A cautionary warning by Doctor Harold Toboggans

M.D., D.F., F.M., Psy.D, WhyD-TyD

Each year, thousands of unsuspecting Memphians indulge in the countless concerts, art festivals, and other social dangers infesting our city, never suspecting that they may fall victim to the most insidious psychological plague of our time:

Partyophilia.

Simply put, Partyophilia is the irrational and inexplicable compulsion to engage in relaxation, recreation, and the company of other people.

Symptoms include:

• mingling
• laughter
• painful-looking dances
• smiling
• strange attire
• mild intoxication
• a complete and utter lack of useful labor.

A victim suffering from partyophilia

–

A victim recovering from partyophilia

If you or someone you love are suffering from the horror of Partyophilia, don’t wait – contact the modest and amazingly brilliant Doctor Harold Toboggans at drt@drtoboggans.com today for a complimentary* psychiatric assessment.

Before you know it, you’ll be discovering neuroses you never knew you had.

Remember: “All work and no play keeps your Doctor quite well paid.”

drtoboggans.com

“Adequacy is within your grasp.”

———————

*Not a free service, we just promise not to laugh at you until your credit report comes in.

———————

To witness people just like you being cured of the sufferings of partyophilia – go to the videos.

———————

Need to hold hope in your own desperate hands? Click here for your own printable copy of

The Dangers of Partyophilia.(PDF)

2 Comments Continue reading

Recently I was in a state of deep contemplation, meditating upon how best to aid my fellow man in ridding himself of the guilt, anxiety, and financial surpluses that plague these troubled times, when it occurred to me that I might more easily distribute my enviable horde of wisdom at some sort of professional convention or other psychiatric function.

With deft precision I queried the internet, seeking the next available Kierkegaard-Jung conference.

That’s when I saw it.

An industrial strength conflagration of camaraderie, creativity, and other psychiatric dysfunctions. An event practically screaming for a therapist of my own considerable gifts.

The Cooper Young Festival

I cannot tell you how the existence of such an unrepentant display of revelry and relaxation in my very own Memphis troubles me to the core.

It’s such a tragedy. Such a waste.

Such an opportunity for new business.

Fear not my wayward Memphis, I shall cure you.

Oh yes, I shall.

2 Comments Continue reading

Doctor Toboggans engages in some preventive treatment for some of the at-zombie-risk citizens of Memphis

….and none too soon.

Return to Case Study – Memphis Zombie Intervention

2 Comments Continue reading

It started out as just another brilliant success.

I, Doctor Harold Toboggans – psychiatric wunderkind – stood alone on the streets of Memphis surrounded by hundreds of brain-lusting zombies, all aching to ingest my substantial intellect.

Desperate odds, psychotic patients, it was just a typical day for your Doctor.

That is, until I unleashed the big dog – Zombies Anonymous – the rabid wolf of therapy in a world of clinical chihuahuas.

Just watch as the therapeutic power of ZA practically knocks the neuroses out of the undead souls in this video:

Zombie recovery couldn’t get any better than this, except perhaps if some individual of ravaging insight were to invent an anti-zombie patch.

This way to return to Case Study – Memphis Zombie Intervention

3 Comments Continue reading

So there I was in Memphis, in the midst of a full-scale zombie migration, curing the reanimated wretches left and right, when the entire neighborhood took a definite turn for the worse.

There on a public street, in blatant disregard for all restraining orders and applicable leash laws, appeared the fearsome enforcers of the Shelby Memphis Zombie Response Unit.

Posing as peace-keeping* force, those ruthless vigilantes repeatedly endangered my livelihood, threatening to kill my new patients before they could even settle their bills.

When I refused them their prey, the whole dispute turned to “nature or nurture” the time-worn question of zombie identity, before finally descending into an undignified assault on my most noble** and innocent motives.

Observe the entire debacle yourself on this video:

Doctor Toboggans Meets The SMZRU

Although the zombie-hating hooligans were very tip-lipped about how they found me I immediately suspected the involvement of patient zero. But even his pathetic attempts at sabotage couldn’t prevent the roll-out of my amazing new Zombies Anonymous in Memphis

This way to return to Case Study – Memphis Zombie Intervention

—–
*It would be more accurate to refer to the SMZRU as a piece-keeping force, as they seemed inordinately proud of their collection of firearms. A cure for  those troubled individuals is definitely in the works.

**As a humanitarian, I would gladly postpone payment if a Nobel prize were in the picture.

1 Comments Continue reading